Monday, March 22, 2010

3 years of my life in status updates

I’m scratching my presto lot. I’m meditating and losing my hand. Time to enjoy a cigarette. Gotta make some paninis and chocochinos. Now I’m drinking a martini and I’m turning around. I’m kicking my heels. I’m a chicken. I’m not touching, can’t get mad. I don’t like YOU! Just kidding. I want to sleep. I’m studying journalism now and getting up from my lazy ass. I still want more sleep. I just am. Now I’m thinking: huh? I’m blown away by something. I am not going to break. I’m singing and making strange noises. I will hammer your toe like a pediatrician. I say rarrr. I want more sunshine. I have a pen and I’m not afraid to use it. Blabla. Trust me, I’m a professional. Let's party! Let's work! I'm in Utrecht and waving hi. I'm sleepy again. I'm cleaning something.

Your actions turn from conquest to dust.

I’m heading out to Brussels. So sleepy. I’m hatting it mad! I’m in a loving mood. Happy birthday Sharah, happy birthday Grandma! I’m transcending. Why am I going from Vilvoorde to Holland? I’m baked and obsessed with Mortal Kombat. I’m in Paris. I’m loving Paris. I’m blind. I’m dancing the samba. I’m writing fairy tales about a golden deer. I want some brass goggles with dual magnifiers. I will get kung fuy on you! I’m lost. I’m wondering what you are doing right NOW? I’ve had 3 full days without paper cuts. I’m lost again. Now I’m on a good path. I’m welcoming my nephew to the world. I’m in my veal-fattening pen. I am going back to Antwerp. I’m thinking love is a blast. I’m writing, thinking, drinking and partying. I have an appointment with professor Pieters. I’m waiting for an important letter. I am going to rock! I can see Russia from my house too. Wait, what? I am going to tackle some classical mythology. I want you to stop photoshopping my head on sexy bikini pictures. I am trying to read The English Patient by the next day. I’m confused and need a day planner. I am narrowing down subjects for my thesis. I am on a flying Persian carpet. I need more bookshelves. I’m betting my bottom dollar that tomorrow there’ll be sun. I’m writing again. I will give you language advice. I’m living in the 1930’s. I am facing a lot of Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead. My style is da bomb digi bomb dideng dideng digidigi.

All right Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close-up.

I am glad that knowing that the best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup but knowing that Chuck Norris didn’t kill me in my sleep. I like maxims that don’t encourage behaviour modification. I’m having a princess blues. I’m stressed because I have an important presentation today. I’m taking the special bus to school. I helped put up the Christmas tree. I finished my portfolio and I’ve been waiting all week to say that. I’m flattened and then recharged. I’m working and making a list and checking it twice. I’m studying Canadian literature but forgot about my reading assignment for African literature. I’m telling people to check their mail.

Her lips were saying ‘no’, but her eyes were saying…’read my lips’.

I say your work is puerile and under-dramatized. It lacks any sense of structure, character, or the Aristotelian unities. I made it through my first exam and my grammar courses. I’m wondering what a geminate is and why it disappeared. I’m reading about Berbice Dutch. I’m studying and rooting for Obama. I’m telling people they look cold and someone dumped a present. I am wondering what’s going on with Becky and those midgets. I think chitty chitty bang bang is shitty shitty gang bang. I am an early bird. I am at a very late Christmas party. I’m sick.

I sometimes seriously doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion!

I am going to buy new glasses, turns out vision isn’t overrated. I picked 5 books that influenced me. I’m singing eerie yarn owls and retainers. I’m off to Paris. I am wondering if I will wake up with some gray hair tomorrow.

Precious and fragile things need special handling.

I am thanking people for their birthday wishes. I don’t understand the use of twitter. I really thought The Curious Case of Benjamin Button sucked. I am going to a party and wondering what to wear. I’m sick of it. I’m loving it. I am spreading the WTFitude. I am thinking of buying a classic Mercedes. I am having sushi on a boat. I am having the strangest of Mondays. I decided firmly against watching Stephen King’s IT. I am making my BFF proud. I’m studying, studying, studying and studying some more. I’m having my first exam. WTF? I just need a convertible and a silk head wrap and I’m good to you. I am forced to acknowledge the existence of the incorrigible. Time for the final exam! I’m having family time. I’m covered in books. Books, books, books, all is in books. I want to draw stick figures. The latest episode of Wipe Out was amazing. I have seen a human being act at his worst. I am Zen. I am looking at the man in the mirror. I’m thinkering. It’s almost naptime. Bridal shower today! I need more coffee. The favourite anagram of my name is ‘nerd abuse’. I think it’s time for some serious job hunting. I want Vonti to hang in there. I’m smitten. I’m on set today and people should wish me luck. There’s a beached whale in Antwerp? I’m getting up at 4AM for make-up and wardrobe. I feel like Gregor Samsa.

As my dear departed friend Lotus Weinstock used to say; I used to want to change the world, now I just want to be able to leave the room with a little dignity.

I’m pulling it together. My godchild is going to be a girl! I ain’t bothered. I’m happy and I tell it in Spanish. I wonder if this is a good title for a short movie. I’m violently happy.

HEY SUSIE DERKINS, IS THAT YOUR FACE OR IS A POSSUM STUCK IN YOUR COLLAR? I HOPE YOU SUFFER A DEBILITATING BRAIN ANEURISM, YOU FREAK!

I am wishing people a merry Christmas in 9 languages. I am going to see him in a heartbeat. I keep on smiling. I can almost feel him. 0 days, 21 hours, 42 minutes and 38 seconds. I think isolated sleep paralysis sucks. I love my song!

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains.

It’s 12h45. I’m going to watch my boyfriend perform for the first time. I’m going for it. I’m in Lisbon and thankful for trendy hotspot cafés. I’m eating the rich. I am a minion of fortune. My heart is in Rome now, but I’m going to join it on Friday. I feel like kicking something, preferably a small cuddly animal. I’m in a pressroom in Rome wondering if I should write a review. I’m back in Antwerp. I am an evil giraffe. I think that being 18.706 kilometres apart is really far. What would little baby Jesus do? I’m a ninja. I’m a ninja in London. I’m fixing things.