Part Toe

I treat people like playthings sometimes, it’s my inner child combined with my inner megalomaniac psychopath. People are toys. They can get out of fashion, like he-man or the teenage mutant ninja turtles, or remain classics like barbie or lego. Sometimes they break, sometimes they get misplaced. No worries, I can always buy more toys. Rauchen kann zu einem langsamen und schmerzhaften Tod führen. Sounds sexy, doesn’t it? I don’t treat people like toys, it’s really the other way around. Or upside down.

And now, a dialogue between Ursula von Schakkebrück and Sir Gaylord Ulafsonn

Ursula: My fanny is bleeding.
Gaylord: Not my bloody problem.
Ursula: :)
Gaylord: :)
Ursula: I love you.
Gaylord: Suck my balls then.

I’m sure Broadway would love to have me. Speaking of Persian, the Old Persian of the Achaemenian Empire, preserved in a number of cuneiform inscriptions, was an Indo-European tongue with close affinities with Sanskrit and Avestan (the language of the Zoroastrian sacred texts). After the fall of the Achaemenians the ancient tongue developed, in the province of Pars, into Middle Persian or Pahlavi (a name derived from Parthavi - that is, Parthian). Pahlavi was used throughout the Sassanian period, though little now remains of what must once have been a considerable literature. About a hundred Pahlavi texts survive, mostly on religion and all in prose. Pahlavi collections of romances, however, provided much of the material for Ferdowsi's Shahnameh. After the Arab conquest a knowledge of Arabic became necessary, for it was not only the language of the new rulers and their state, but of the religion they brought with them and - later - of the new learning. Though Pahlavi continued to be spoken in private life, Arabic was dominant in official circles for a century and a half. With the weakening of the central power, a modified form of Pahlavi emerged, with its Indo-European grammatical structure intact but simplified, and with a large infusion of Arabic words. What’s that Skippy? You dig it? Right on, Skippy. Right on.

I dedicate my second page to M. Robotgnome, The Panama Girl, Miss Smartypants 2004, Ron Thunder, Ramona, The Black Widow, Mr. Doodoohead, Kimberly, Limpy Toe Bastard, King Pornos, Señor Pépé, Legs-in-the-air, The Bongoman, the on/off button, Fab Glamshine, the good people of Aldi, Tita Tovenaar, The Voice of Gawd and of course the alien ballerina that danced off a cliff, we’ll always remember you hun.

Always check your pockets for change. You know, the world has always had arrivistes, at least since the Neanderthals were raised from their evolutionary slumbers by the advent of homo sapiens from Africa. No longer was it enough to sit around all day picking the lice from your nearest and dearest and grumbling about the problems of getting a decent meal in a world full of saber tooth tigers with a brain only marginally bigger than a household dog. Suddenly you needed kit. To begin with it was fire. Then it was a hunting sword. Then it was nifty set of religious beliefs than entitled you to kill anyone who stood in your way. Then it was a short skirt, a collection of philosophers, a nubile rent boy for duty and a watermelon for ecstasy, the Olympic games and a theatre. Athens came and Athens went, and it did okay for a while, but to be honest with you, it was never going to last. Socrates believed in argument. He didn't believe in possessions. Plato believed in Socrates. He believed in him so wholeheartedly he forgot that he was an angry dwarf who forgot to actually write any books. Za bazar otvetish.

And now, a reflection by Hans Verhagen: “Normally, all parts of the body grow to a certain point and then they stop. The nose does not continue to grow indefinitely. Imagine then, that suddenly one part begins to grow beyond its normal limits. For no apparent reason.”